It's Getting Easier, but it Still Hurts

Yesterday I went in to work to take care of some things, came home for lunch, and worked from home the rest of the day.  I needed to do that because there were several instances of uncontrollable sobbing throughout the afternoon.  I did the WFH thing today, more sobbing, not as deep, not as frequent, and I'm still sad.  I keep thinking of that mental image of Moe lying on that table, the life gone out of him, and that look on his face.  And I tell myself that that one precious little kitten life that began 13 years ago has now returned to where it came from, and that Moe's suffering was cut short.

I have thought a lot about why this hurts so much, and I have an answer.  Moe was able to reach deep inside of my heart, more so than any other cat I've known before.  The way he curled up with me on his first night.  The way he consoled me when I broke up with Kathleen.  Aside from that one year in Vegas, Moe was with me every night I came home to cuddle.  And several was the time when Moe went to console a family member.

And yes, Larry cuddles too.  He instantly purred the very first time I picked him up.  Moe didn't purr instantly.  He had to be settled down.  He purred.  Then he wanted back inside that cage so he could play with Larry.

Larry is taking this very well.  I worry about him.  He has lost a lot of weight and is being successfully treated for a kidney issue.  Before that treatment, I was worried that we were going to lose him.  I had to fight back tears on that one.  His rebound is nothing short of miraculous.  He solicits pets and attention just like he used to.  He will cuddle, but he won't stay long.  He's got to run off and find a piece of cardboard to chew.  For him it's all about the simple pleasures.

Although the sadness still lingers, and although he won't jump in my lap any more to interrupt a blog entry, Moe is still in my heart.  He, along with Larry, brought me a lot of joy that had been missing since I had to take my sweet girl Sylvia in for her last vet visit.

Tomorrow I will be doing the WFH thing.  That's mainly because I have at least three meetings to do via Zoom, and I prefer to do them from here.  I'm going to try to get on 40 meters tomorrow afternoon as that 40 will open to Europe as sunset approaches, and Europe is having a contest.  I might also try after I post this, though sunset is still two hours away.  For all I know South America might be rolling in too.

Some advice that I got when I lost Sylvia:  find something fun to do when you're done sobbing.  Keep busy.  I have to follow that, because depression has hit some family members here on both sides, and I've had situational depression before.  I haven't needed a prescribed anti-depressant since 2014 and I have to be careful about not getting to needing one now.