Some catching up to do.......

Life had been something of a whirlwind during the first ten days of this month.  When things slowed down I did some much-needed goofing off, or maybe I should say that I decided that I needed some "down" time.  Well, I've had my down time, but I am behind in my emails and there are a few folks out there who I need to call.  I also realized that I needed to catch up here, so I'm here.

Let's get started.

* * * * * * *

I was not the only one who came across the burning bush last month.  After seeking out some counsel and asking lots of questions, I decided to respond to the call.  What this means is that I am going to be giving up some free time, but I feel that the need that I'm being asked to fill is important.  And, I'm not going in this alone.  Ten of us are getting involved and we'll be helping some people out, behind the scenes, who need the help.

That's all I'm going to say for now on this.

* * * * * * *

Things are changing for me at work.  When I returned to work after an extended weekend from the Fourth, well, I was made aware that things were going to change soon.  All I can say is that another project pulled some strings, and I was more or less encouraged to take this new assignment.

No, I'm in no way bitter about this.  It's just the nature of the business.

And seeing as how this is about work, that's all I'm going to say for now on this one as well.

* * * * * * *

Here at home, I've been experimenting a lot with the barbecue.  I had a pair of hamburgers for the evening meal, but this time I did them differently.

I had them rubbed down with olive oil (that's now a standard procedure here), and after the olive oil I sprinkled some Thai seasoning on them.  I then cooked them as I usually do, but in the final five minutes of cooking I put some Thai chili paste on them.

I was really pleased with how they turned out!  The side effect that I may suffer from later on could come in the form of some absurd dreams or possibly nightmares.  We'll see.

I do know from an experience several years ago that spicy Montreal steak seasoning on hamburgers will give you nightmares!  Back when I was in the townhouse I made generous use of that seasoning; going on to blacken those burgers like I was some sort Cajun cook.

They were tasty, but later on that night I paid for it.

I still use McCormick's spicy Montreal steak seasoning in cooking, but not like that anymore.

By the way, I did some research on that Montreal steak seasoning.

People in Montreal didn't come up with it.

Instead, someone at McCormick came up with a blend of spices, and since they wanted to sell a lot of it, they called it Montreal seasoning.  There's more than one variety of Montreal seasoning that you can get, and I'm partial to their spicy steak seasoning.  It does go good on a ribeye, and on hamburgers if you don't overdo it.

* * * * * *

I need to catch up on some other things here, so I'm going to sign.

Don't forget to pet a dog or a cat!

Is that a burning bush in front of me?

Yesterday I was approached by someone whose wisdom and counsel that I have respected for many years.  He asked me to consider volunteering for something specific that I will not pass along at this time.  I will not identify this individual; I will confirm that he was a great member of my support network when I was struggling with those dark days earlier this year from February thru early April.

His approaching me reminded me of one of the early Bible stories that I learned when I was a child.  That story concerns Moses, when he went to investigate a burning bush that would not burn up.  It was a strange sight, and his going over to it set in course a chain of events that would affect the lives of the people from which he came.  God told Moses to return to Egypt, and to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt.

Let's stop for a moment and consider a few things.

Moses was brought up in the court of Pharaoh, and had a position of power within Egypt.  He was enjoying the good life, until one day he saw an Egyptian mistreating a Hebrew, and Moses killed the Egyptian and hid the body in the sand.  Moses had committed an act of murder.  He had killed someone.

Once Moses learned that his crime was known to others, he became a fugitive.  I re-read the account in Exodus earlier this evening and what Moses did was not only known to two Hebrews who were arguing, Pharaoh knew about it too.  Pharoah, or rather, the person was then Pharoah, wanted to kill Moses.  We can infer from this that murder was a capital offense in Egypt at the time, and Moses knew what the punishment was.  He didn't run at first, thinking that maybe he had gotten away with it.  He fled once he became aware that he was a wanted man.  The crime of murder angers a lot of people today, as it did back then.  Moses went on the lam, and entered into fugitive flight.  He found a new life in Midian, married, and started raising a family.  We don't know if he struggled with guilt for all those years, but we do know that when God told Moses to return to Egypt, that God later assured Moses, after he agreed to go back, that those who wanted to kill him were dead.

Anyway, being approached yesterday, for some reason, reminded me of this story.  To be quite honest, I feel that I am more qualified to be the recipient of the help that I'm being asked to give.  No, I am not a fugitive in any criminal sense, but I am feeling the need of wanting the events from February/March/early April to be behind me once and for all.  I have the sense that I am healing from this, and that it will be easier to recover from the adverse circumstances that preceded my arrival in Arizona.

Yes, I am reluctant to say yes to this.  For one, I wasn't sure if I really had a future in Tucson.  I even went so far as to approach hiring managers in Colorado, and the one position that I phone-interviewed for won't be offered to me until October, if at all, and as I write this I do have something lined up here in Tucson that begins in October.  I guess I can infer that the Good Lord is going to keep me here in Tucson, even if the circumstances right now are not as good as they were two years ago.

Secondly, this isn't something I can say yes to right away.  My present assignment has with it a need to put in some long hours at times.  The effort that I am supporting is damned important to my employer and it's something that I'm actually enjoying being a part of.  I plan to ride this train until its course is run, and my gut is telling me it's going to be a few more weeks.  After that, I can return to a previous assignment as that last Friday my old supervisor told me he wanted me back and to give him a call once I'm done doing what I'm doing right now.  I said that I would like to take a vacation between jobs and he has no problem with that.

Third, the individual who approached me is well familiar with my current situation, and he knows that I can't give an answer right away.  I personally think that I'm going to need three weeks to mull this over, and to assess if I have the amount of time availalbe for this.

But it is funny in a way, of how this emerged yesterday.

One question that I have asked myself a lot lately is, have I made a difference?  I mean, I came to Arizona in early 1999, knowing it was what I had to do at the time, but not sure if I understood in the 100% sense of why I was being brought to Arizona.  Those close friends who I have shared this with, and this includes the person who approached me, have told me that I have indeed made a difference.   I mean, I'm sure that I have in some ways, but did I make a difference as to where it really counted?  Should I even know if I have?

A few other observations.

I have survived an armed robbery, an earthquake with fatalities, one traffic accident, and a front wheel coming off at 70 miles per hour.

By all rights I shouldn't even be here.

I have also had two biopsies for cancer, the most recent one being last month.  Both came back negative.  For some reason I am still here.  I sometimes ask myself why.

I mean, what is there left for me to do?

I've gotten to meet the members of Bachman-Turner Overdrive and April Wine, who are among the people that I most wanted to meet.  I've walked where Caesar once walked and I've had one night in a luxury suite at the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo.

And more importantly, I have been blessed with the greatest collection of family and friends that anyone could ever hope to have.

What is there left for me to do?

I was thinking about this as recently as a few days ago, and before that I was wondering if maybe I shouldn't be taking up some volunteer work of some kind.  I went so far as to explore one local charity, only to discover that I could not make the type of time/talent commitment that they were looking for.  I was giving some thought to something else, but then shelved that too as I returned to that one question about what's there that's left for me to do.

I'm sure that there are some things left to do while I'm still kicking.  Even before yesterday, I was soul-searching about some other things on my mind, and trying to figure out what's ahead, as if I can really do that.

Now I've been approached, and that has now entered the mix of what's on my mind.  And in the process, I am thinking about that strange sight that Moses once saw, and wondering........

......is that a burning bush that's in front of me?

Beef Ribs! Yeah!

Temperatures in Tucson have broken the triple digit barrier.  One weather forecast said this would happen by Memorial Day and another had it yesterday or maybe it was today.  Anyway, it's hot out, and I'm not hanging out in the man cave (the garage, that is) as much as I used to.

I am making some more frequent use of the BBQ grill.  Safeway keeps having beef ribs marked down, and I keep buying them.  I think this is going to be the fifth consecutive Sunday where I've had them on the grill.  Thing of it is, is that the ribs have been previously frozen, so re-freezing them really isn't an option.  So what do you do?

If you live in Tucson, you fire up the grill.

* * * * * * *

One advantage to living in southern Arizona is that you can fire up the grill at practically any time of year that you want to.  I don't view barbecuing as a summer activity, so to speak.  If I feel like firing it up on Christmas Day, then I'll fire it up on Christmas Day.

That must run in the family.  I've seen my dad fire up the grill on Christmas Day.  Hey, why not?  Who says a Christmas dinner has to be turkey?  Why can't it be ribs, or salmon, or tri-tip?

* * * * * * *

My beef ribs recipe evolved over several years, and I think it's still evolving.  There was a period of time ten years ago when I was "done" with the recipe.  I would season the things overnight with a rub recipe that I stole from the Weber website.  They called it a Kansas City rub.  I don't think it was a true Kansas City rub as that other KC rub mixes call for brown sugar and this one didn't.

However, the Weber KC rub was mighty tasty!  A friend of mine from Texas who so much liked the way I did beef ribs once offered to buy them for me if I would just only cook them.  That's a real compliment when you stop to think about it.  I think when a Texas native compliments you on your BBQ skills, that's just as good as a manager in a Japanese company telling you in a written letter that the test procedure you sent his company was "completely correct and easy to follow".  I still have that letter, and I should fish it out sometime and frame it.

* * * * * * *

Getting back to beef ribs, one change I made was in the cooking time.  I used to slow-cook them for ninety minutes but I recently changed that to two hours.  I have not noticed any change to them except that the meat is more tender.

Also, I've been using maple chips for smoking.  I very much believe in the use of smoking chips whenever I'm slow-cooking something.  In the past I've used hickory, mesquite, applewood, or a random combination of two woods.  I've soaked them in cheap red wine for two hours, and every twenty minutes while the ribs were cooking I'd chuck some of those chips onto the coals and then put the lid to my Weber kettle back on.

Then a few moments later, that smoke starts coming out of the top vent.  It smells good.  It smells really good.

It's probably not legal for something to smell that good.

* * * * * * *

I recently discovered somewhere, and I can't remember where, some maple chips.  Maple?  Hey, what the hey.  Maple's used for curing bacon.  Why not ribs?

I didn't want to mask the flavor so I used water instead of wine for the maple chips.  I was pleased with the results too.  That was "recipe" for what I was soaking the chips in, but one week later that changed too.

I had had, for over twenty years, this 1.75 liter bottle of dark Bacardi rum.  It had been taking up space for all this time, and the problem, or maybe it's not a problem, is that I wasn't drinking it.  I mean, I might have a shot of tequila if it's a premium reposado, but Bacardi is not tequila and I don't think it was intended for shots in the first place.

So, what to do?

I started soaking my chips in a mixture of water and Bacardi.  I liked the results!  The smell that the Bacardi imparted to the chips while they were soaking is probably also not legal.

* * * * * * *

That bottle of Bacardi was finally emptied last week, and was carried off for recycling shortly thereafter.

Now I don't have any rum.

Should I now pick up a bottle of Myers spiced rum?  Or should I pick up some Captain Morgan?

If I pick up the Captain Morgan, then I'm going to have to hold one of my legs at an angle  If someone sees me doing that, they might think that I'm weird.  I might be weird for all that I know, but I don't think I should go out in public and confirm that for anyone.

Well.....Todd knows about rum.  He knows how to make some killer drinks.  I think he's using some premium brand of rum that I never heard of before.  Whatever it is, it's great stuff.

My problem is, is that I'm not one to consume rum on a regular basis.  I might remember on New Year's Eve to make myself a Cuba Libre, but even then I don't always remember to make one on New Year's Eve.

I'll hold off on buying some rum for now.

I do know that I won't get a 1.75 liter bottle of it next time.

I might not live long enough to see it emptied, and I might get to the grave a little early if I do try to empty it quickly.

* * * * * * *

Getting this back to beef ribs, and to smoking chips, but not leaving the topic of spirits, did you know that Jack Daniels is in the smoking chip business too?

I have two bags of JD chips, from oak barrels that they used to age their whiskey in.  Some barrels get shipped off to Scotland where one of the distilleries uses them to age their whiskey.  (Or is that "whisky" in Scotland?).  Other barrels get chopped up and sold to BBQ enthusiasts such as myself.

If you're going to use the JD chips, you absolutely postively should never soak them in wine.  I don't think soaking them in wine is legal, and if it isn't illegal then it should be.

Soak them in water.  You don't want to mask that smoky flavor that it will impart to the meat that you're cooking.

If you don't believe me, then use these JD chips on a tri-tip sometime.  It'll be a tri-tip that you'll remmeber.

Ask Ken & Gillian and their children.

I'll bet that they remember that tri-tip I made for them a few years back when they were down here!

* * * * * * *

I forgot to mention that whenever you're slow-cooking ribs on the grill, you should have a drip pan underneath them.  This drip pan should have some cheap beer poured into it.  The beer will steam the meat, and impart some flavor to it.  Try this sometime.

DO NOT USE a premium imported beer for this!  Use some Budweiser instead.

The Budweiser folks will not be insulted by using Budweiser for cooking.  They don't care what you use Bud for.

But if you're going to use Moosehead or some microbrew for cooking, then you've either got more money than you have sense. or you probably shouldn't be allowed to play with matches even if you're going to use those matches on charcoal briquets.

* * * * * * *

I just realized that I should point out that what I've told you about cooking beef ribs assumes that you're using charcoal like I do.

I have nothing against gas grills; you can get some good steaks or burgers off of those.

But me, I'm a purist when it comes to BBQ, and it ain't BBQ if you ain't using charcoal.

* * * * * * *

Is it legal for me to use the word "ain't"?

Dang if I know.  Ain't like I'm going to care much about it anyway.

* * * * * * *

Don't forget to pet a dog or a cat!

An Old Memory, and Other Odds and Ends

Back when I was in elementary school in the 4th grade, in Titusville Florida, I had a morning teacher and I had an afternoon teacher.  The morning teacher was Mrs. Tague and the afternoon teacher was Mrs. Allen.  I don't know why it was set up that way but it was.  I can't remember what each one of them taught aside from Mrs. Allen teaching English.

All classes were in a portable building.  Oak Park Elementary School was a bit on the overcrowded side.  Titusville's population had boomed from 6000 to 29000, largely due to the space program at Cape Canaveral.  My dad worked on the Apollo program as did several other fathers, and Brevard County had to build new schools to accommodate what was then a growing population.  Oak Park Elementary School was a recent construction; Madison Junior High School was built right next to it and it too was a little on the packed side.  In Madison's first year they had to take in the sixth graders; the year before that Titusville High School was so packed that they had a morning session for one group of students and an afternoon session for another.

Anyway, for some reason I got to thinking about this one song from that time period.  Mrs. Tague taught PE (Physical Education, that is) in the afternoons and on most afternoons there was a record player going round and round and this one song that I remembered was played a lot.  My thinking was that it went "Mary Mary, quite contrary" and it had a real catchy hook to it carried by the bass line.  The girls enjoyed dancing to that one.  I would look up from my desk in Mrs. Allen's class and see that, and wonder why Mrs. Tague's afternoon class was out there having fun while I was in this portable having to do other stuff.

Well, for some reason, I got to thinking about that song a few months back.  A Google search failed to turn up who did that song.  I would think about it every now and then.....for some reason that hook must have really grabbed on to me.

While driving back from Todd's house this morning (I went up there yesterday and stayed the night) I got to thinking about that song again.  Who could that have been by?  I got to thinking it must have been done by the Monkees.  They were really big on TV back then, it seemed as if all my classmates watched that, while me, my favorite TV show was "The Invaders".

Anyway, once I got back home, I decided to do a YouTube search on that.  First I brought up Michael Nesmith's "Cruisin'"......that one had a catchy hook to it too.  A search of Wickedpedia (can't resist calling it that sometimes!) brought up that Mr. Nesmith wrote some songs for the Monkees in an effort to be taken seriously as artists.  And then I tried a YouTube search on that "Mary" song.

For the first time since 1968, I listened to it!  Another childhood memory!  This time around, I learned how the memory distorts things after a few decades.  I thought that bass line was really heavy, but it wasn't.  Also, the song didn't say "Mary Mary, quite contrary".  It instead said "Mary Mary, where you goin' to?".  As I was listening to it for the first time in 40+ years, I'm thinking, is one of those verses going to say "quite contrary"?

Nope.  That never came up.

I also seemed to remember that the music would stop during that song, and then start up again.  It didn't do that either.  OK, if I had been the record producer back then I might have had the band do it that way, but that's not how it happened.  I always thought it would be neat to be a record producer and I think being a record producer would be a better job than being an engineer, but those weren't the cards that I drew.

But getting back to that song, I've found myself re-listening to it some more.  It apparently wasn't the best known song by the Monkees; two more got way ahead of that one in terms of public recognition.  Still, I think it's a good song, very 60ish, and I still like that hook!

The link below has this song.  If you wish to listen to it, click on hit, but if you want to come  back to this blog you'll have to hit the "back" button unless you have a creative way of opening up a new tab or a window.

Mary, Mary

* * * * * * *

I wanted to post last weekend about Harold Camping's rapture prediction.  No, I didn't think for one minute that there would be a rapture, though I couldn't resist jokingly posting a comment on one forum that "Harold Camping seems to have disappeared".

This isn't the first time that Dr. Camping has made a rapture prediction.  Back in 1994, he said it would happen that year, and when it didn't he became aware of a "math error" that he had made.  When it didn't happen last weekend, I read conflicting posts on what he had to say about it not happening, but my understanding is that Judgement Day is now on for the 21st of October.

Anyway, what I would have said is that Harold Camping, for as many years as he's studied the Bible, should know better about making these kinds of predictions.  Christ himself told us that He didn't know, and neither did the angels of heaven.  So what can Harold Camping know that Christ can't?

* * * * * * *

Yep, I drove up to see Todd, Annette and Amber yesterday.  It was a good visit as always, and Annette continues to display her talented culinary skills.  As long as I've known Annette I've known her to be a great cook, in addition to being intelligent.

This morning we were chatting on the back patio.  She told me that I've changed, and for the better.  That was an interesting comment, and I think she's right that I changed.  For the better?  I would hope so.

I didn't ask her just how recent this change was, but it must have been over the past year and a half.  I have noticed that I don't get as stressed out about traffic and left lane hogs like I used to.  At least, I haven't recently opined to anyone that left lane hogs should be beaten as I've been known to do in the past.

* * * * * * *

I'm going to call it a post right now.  I really thought I was going to write more but I feel the urge to take care of a few other things.  I'm going to have to fire up the BBQ grill before too long; beef ribs were prepped a few hours ago and I'm going to give these guys two hours of cooking time.

Don't forget to pet a dog or a cat.

Good News, for a Change

Like a lot of people today, I woke up this morning to learn that Osama bin Laden is no longer with us.  He was taken out of commission by the Navy Seals, in a mission that was greenlighted by the White House.  Although I am no fan in any way of the current White House occupant, I will give him kudos on this one and I hope that it's an indication that he will approve similar missions in the future as the need arises.

Kudos also go to the Navy Seals for a job well done.  I haven't had much of a chance to digest all of the information that's out there, and I'm sure that more information will emerge, but I am really grateful that we have these kind of people on our side.

I am going to say this:  we, as a nation, need to be prepared to fight terrorism as long as we are a nation.  We have two choices.  We either fight terrorism until the world comes to an end, or we surrender.  Surrender is not an option.  Also, relaxing the fight against terrorism is not an option either.  It was this way before yesterday so the killing of bin Laden doesn't really change anything as far as the war on terrorism goes.  We fight this war one day at a time.  We keep our guard up one day at a time.  We don't consider the war "won".  We instead resolve each and every day to never give up our fight for our freedom.

* * * * * * *

Some other good news to report.

I came in to work one week ago to learn that I was being assigned to a new business effort.  This will continue for several weeks, provided that this new effort is funded by upper management.  I am also challenged with keeping a new boss happy and the feedback I've gotten from him so far is very encouraging.

The project itself has its own unique set of challenges, but to be honest, I actually welcome these kinds of challenges.    I'm learning quite a bit and I've had to use some brain cells to figure out a new type of system, that is, new to me, and what really makes it tick.

I'm having fun.

I really am.

* * * * * * *

Spring has arrived in southern Arizona, and I'm seeing a lot of cacti in bloom.....that is, the cacti that are out in the desert.  The only cacti in my yard that has bloomed are the prickly pear in the back yard, which have reliably sprouted new pads each spring.  The prickly pear that's on the other side of my back wall not only sprouts new pads but also blesses us with the appearance of yellow flowers.  That prickly pear is much more mature.  I don't know how old a prickly pear has to be before it blooms with flowers, but I can tell you that a saguaro won't bloom until it's about fifty years of age.

* * * * * * *

I have finished reading what a lot of people call the "Second Foundation Trilogy".  That's the three novels written about the Foundation that Isaac Asimov first wrote about.  I didn't think very much of Foundation's Fear by Gregory Benford, but Foundation's Chaos and Foundation's Triumph by Greg Bear and David Brin, respectively, were both good reads.  Both fill in a lot of backstory with the latter doing an excellent job of tying in not only the Galactic Empire series of novels by Asimov, but also the "Caliban Trilogy" authored by Roger MacBride Allen.

One minor criticism of Foundation's Triumph:  it pre-supposes that you've already read the original Foundation trilogy as that premonitions of the events covered by them are introduced.  I'm not sure that the author should have done this, but with the original Foundation trilogy having been in print for nearly forty years it's not like there are a lot of readers who will read the second trilogy ahead of the first.

* * * * * * *

That's going to be it for now.

Don't forget to pet a dog or a cat.

Where Are We Going, And Why Are We in This Handbasket?

One of the more pressing challenges these days to is be reading the news headlines on a daily basis and to not feel depressed.  As I write this, the Drudge Report is saying that oil went up 2% today.  A check of the precious metals markets shows gold at a record high and silver is over $40 an ounce for the first time since 1980.  Higher energy prices translates to higher food costs, and in an economy where no one is getting a pay raise of any significance (if they get one at all) I can sense that a lot of people are feeling squeezed right now.

I have one close friend who is thinking about pulling funds out of his 401K and paying off his house.  He knows he'll be penalized for an early withdrawal but his thinking is that the money that's in his 401K right now will not be worth anything when he retires and so he may as well spend it while he can and not have to worry about a house payment.  I have to add that there seems to be some rationale to that thinking; if my house were paid off all I'd have to worry about is the property tax and medical.  However, that of course does not mitigate any concerns about inflation, and the question I wonder about the most as far as inflation goes is, are we headed for a Zimbabwe type of situation?

There are some cold harsh realities to contend with.  The entire global economy, when you stop to think about it, is nothing but a big giant numbers game.  That's all it is.  I don't know of anyone who is being paid in gold and silver, which at one time functioned as money.  For several years of our nation's existence the dollar was pegged to gold and the rate was $20.67 per ounce.  FDR changed that in the 1930s with a devaluation that resulted in $35 per ounce, and private citizens were no longer allowed to own gold.  I realize that there are some who will make the argument that this was a necessary step in a series of steps to save the economy, but I'm not sure that this really did anything but to help get us in the mess we are in today.  The instant creation of more dollars can give the illusion of a stronger economy, but if the dollars aren't worth as much as they used to be then all you've done is change the numbers.

Still not convinced it's a numbers game?  Then ponder this.

In 1972 the Dow Jones Industrial Average broke the 1000 barrier for the first time in history.  I remember that day; I was in junior high school and I remember it being the lead news story for that day.  My recollection is that the economists and politicians were happy about that.....I mean that barrier had been broken, and that meant that things were good, right?

Well what do you think the sense would be right now if the Dow was at 1000?  It's at 12380 as I write this.  The economists aren't going to like it if it's below 10000, which is ten times the amount of the 1972 barrier.  We have this number and we want it to go up.  It makes us all feel good and rich and we think we'll be on Easy Street when we retire.  We cheer when the 10000 barrier is broken going up, and get upset when it is breached going down.  Hello?  That wealth was on paper all the time in the first place.  It's an illusion.

The problem with the illusion is, is that once it's recognized for what it was, panic and chaos can set in.  The dollar is accepted as payment because it is legal tender and the most convenient medium of exchange in a transaction.  It is worth something as long as the buyer and seller think it's worth something, and how much commodity it can purchase is again driven by the perception of how much that commodity is worth.  With record deficits and the debt ceiling about to be hit again, and a government that's promised everything to everybody without having figured out how to pay for it, the perception on the world financial markets is that the dollar is deteriorating into Monopoly Money, when it's been Monopoly Money since it was decoupled from gold.

How much longer can the illusion go unrecognized?

I don't know.  The collapse of the economy has been predicted by the doom-and-gloomers for decades now.    I'm sure that when President Nixon severed the link between the dollar and gold, that set off a lot of Chicken Littles and created some survivalists.

One thing I have observed.

If there's a sense of optimism, then the economy picks up, people go back to work, and life goes on.  I don't sense a whole lot of optimism out there and that has me concerned about the future.  My own job situation is not resolved and I'm now talking to hiring managers in Colorado where I'm told there is some work in my field.  You're not going to see me running out to a car dealer anytime soon to buy a new truck.

Even if we do regain optimism, some other harsh realities have to be dealt with.  We can't keep printing money like we have been.  The government has to stop its drunken spending spree.  We can't provide state of the art health care to everyone who wants it.  We can't have 12 million illegal aliens here straining the fiscal infrastructure.  We can't be fighting three wars at once.

The entitlement mentality that many of our politicians have foisted upon us can not be sustained for very much longer.

"Comin' Right Down on Top of Me"

This was not intentional, but for the second consecutive time a title of an April Wine song seems to be the most fitting way to describe what's going on.

The job situation remains unresolved, and I don't see it getting any better.  I interviewed for a position where my boss and employer would be based back east, but I would be resident in Tucson and doing one of the things I love to do most:  I'd be back into doing what I call "circuit card engineering".  I got to do some of that on two occasions in my career, and the interviewer kept remarking about how he wish he'd known about me last January.

I don't know if I'm going to be hired or not.  As a person of faith, I have repeatedly prayed that I would get this position.  It would solve a multitude of problems, and would allow me to continue living in Tucson.

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I am not an expert in Christianity to the extent to where I would qualify for the lay ministry.  What I have learned is that there are varying beliefs about some doctrinal matters.  An example is whether or not there is a rapture, or how one is converted.  Does one decide on his own, or has that decision been made by God?

What I do know is that if you are in the faith, you are not exempt from life's trials and tribulations.  Christ Himself told us that.  I don't have the location memorized, but there is a Bible verse where He said, "in this life you will have troubles".  Folks, I've been having them for the past few months, going all the way back to last summer where the position in life that I was so grateful for started crumbling.  I lost Lynette, lost two assignments at work, am in one now that I am just squeaking by on, and rumors of layoffs are simply too big to ignore.  I look back and see that a blessed life has gotten away from me.  If I get out a balance sheet of what has happened, I'd be in the red.  Lynette, the wreck, the job.

* * * * * * *

I remember listening to a sermon on shortwave radio back in 1980.  I was trying to tune in some Pacific island, where Adventist World Radio had a shortwave station and I wanted to be able to claim that I had heard a new country.  If memory is serving me correctly, it was their station in the Seychelles Islands.  That meant being up at 2:00 AM, or maybe at 5:00 AM....I can't remember which.  The hobbies I choose have a way of making me do things that no normal person would do, and there were several occasions when I got up early so that I could bag some station in Malaysia or Indonesia or some such similar location.

Anyway, AWR had this pastor preaching the need for repentance.  Fine, I can agree with that teaching.  But he said some other things.  That if you came to Jesus, you would be healed of infirmities.  Your life would be blessed.  You wouldn't be sick, you'd be well off economically, and that God would reward you.

In those days, I had my belief in God, but I wasn't walking with the Lord.  I was bound and determined to work out my problems on my own.  So that's what I did.  In 1980 no one was looking out for me except for me.  I enjoyed that arrangement, but as the fall approached, there were cracks in that big giant wall of resolve that I had that were starting to form.

But to get back to what that preacher said, I didn't believe then, nor do I believe now, that coming to repentance is going to solve all of your financial problems or your medical problems.  If that were the case, wouldn't people be going to church instead of standing in the welfare line or trying to make it on their own?

* * * * * * *

My coming to repentance happened one evening in January 1981.  I probably ought to tell that story sometime but now is not going to be the time.  Suffice it say that my method wasn't working out for me.  Sure, I was trying to better myself, and I was reaching for some mighty high dreams.  I wanted badly to be an electrical engineer.  I wanted that degree.  The odds of getting it were not in my favor, but in that month there were some other things going on.

My search for the answers was not found in the Philosophy class that I took in the fall of 1980.  I took that class to fulfill a requirement, but more importantly, I was looking for some answers and that class, I figured, was a way of killing two birds with one stone.  I would fulfill a graduation requirement in some sort of other studies and I would get some answers.

I didn't get the answers I was looking for.  What I got instead was a different answer.  All of sudden, the definition of "justice" was no longer relevant.  It didn't mean squat....at least not to me.  I found something more important, and I realized that I needed to stop fighting God and to instead submit.

* * * * * * *

Looking back, my friends Mark and Hal were also on some sort of quest.  Mark wasn't public about his but I know that he was pursuing some answers due to some changes that he had made as far as his church attendance went.  He made his changes one year later.

Hal was also looking for answers.  I remember trying to convince him that I had found the answer.  I told him that he needed to repent and to turn to God, to have faith in God.

Hal believed in God, although he had started out as an agnostic.  He had come to reason that the Universe was constructed by a God, and that it was a God who had cared.  This God displayed a great amount of handiwork in the construction of the Universe, and so it reasoned that God would have wanted to communicate with humanity somehow to let us know that He was there and that He cared for us.

A lot of people will believe in that.  Ask the Freemasons.  They will tell you that there is a God, and they refer to Him as "the Great Architect of the Universe".

Some other people will tell you there is a God.  Ask any Muslim.  Ask a practicing Jew.  Ask any Mormon or any Jehovah's Witness.

They will tell you that there is a God.

The disagreements, I think, begin where we try to answer the question of how God reveals Himself to us, and just who exactly Jesus Christ is/was.

* * * * * * *

I was not able to convince Hal that I had the answers.  (I know, I seem to be writing a lot about Hal lately, but to be honest I don't tend to think of him until I start reminiscing about those times back in San Jose).  Hal felt that he could make his decision after he died, about whether or not he was going to accept God's choice of going to heaven, or going to hell.

Within four months Hal died due to accidental causes.  That was my first "trial" as a Christian.  I had lost a good friend, but I would have taken that much much harder if I had not told Hal that I found the answer.

Hal rejected my answer, and if he had somehow came to accept it in his final weekend on earth, I have no way of knowing.  

I am at peace with having made the effort to tell Hal what I had found.

I cringe when I think of how I would have felt if I hadn't.

* * * * * * *

I have had other trials since then.  There were some adverse conditions on the job front in the 1994 timeframe.  I struggled with depression.  No, not with the clinical kind or anything like that, but when you see 50% of the workforce laid off gradually over a five year period and you're still left, you're pretty demoralized.

It's hard going to work.  You don't care anymore.  And the quality of work suffers.

* * * * * * *

OK, there's a trial going on right now.

I have interviewed for a job that I'm an obvious match for.  There is no one who they ever interviewed for that job that is better qualified.  They did hire someone in January, and that person is still coming to speed.

For me, there wouldn't be much of a learning curve.  I would have to go back east to get trained on how to operate an automated test station.  I've already been to that factory where that testing is going on.  In that capacity, I was specifying what needed to be tested on four circuit cards that we were buying from them.   I learned about the limitations of their test equipment, and I also learned how to write test requirements that were not as open to ambiguity as they otherwise would have been.

If I get this job, I jump over to their side of the fence, keep my residence in Tucson, and then work with the people here on this side of the fence to help smooth out things.

* * * * * * *

I have not heard anything.  I may not get the job.  I may instead be walked out the door in a matter of days, and thus the nature of this blog post, a mentioning of the trial that's going on right now.

This would present me with the prospect of being unemployed for several months.  The economy is down right now, and while we have turmoil in Japan and Libya our President is instead partying in Rio and more interested in college basketball picks than he is in providing leadership.  What that pastor said on the radio back in 1980 is not going to come true, that if I come to repentance, that things will start working out.  That's fine, I didn't believe him then, and I don't believe him now.

Repentance does not guarantee you an exemption of trials and hard times.  It does not.

I do believe though that God will give you strength if you ask Him to.

I've been asking for plenty of strength lately.

I'm growing weary of having to ask for that strength.

I keep wanting to ask "why?"

I may never be wise enough to know the answer.  I may not care about the answer once the good times return.

All I know is that when it rains, all of us will get wet regardless of what we believe.  And when the sun shines, it shines for all of us.

Perhaps we're meant to find the joy in both rain and sunshine.

I don't think it's meant to be easy, but that's likely how we grow.

* * * * * * *

Yes, it's coming right down on top of me.  Just like in the song.  It's not the first time it's come down on top of me, and I don't think it will be the last.

The song itself does not attempt to answer the question why.  It instead is a statement of fact, and the singer pleads "won't someone set me free?"

It's not a depressing song, but I think that it is one that everyone gets to identify with at various times in life.

* * * * * * *

I have stated on a previous occasion that this blog was not meant to be a dialog on my personal problems.  I really don't like making entries of this nature.

But what this blog is, is a means for me to vent on those occasions where I need to vent, and I'm doing some of that right now.

If you are someone who prays, please remember me in your prayers.

And if you are not that type of person, I don't honestly know what to say.  I guess all I can tell you is that I did not come to repentance to be blessed with a smooth life here on earth.

I guess instead, all I can tell you is that it is a source of strength for me.

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If you wish to listen to the song, click on the link below, where it says "LINK".  You'll have to hit the back button if you want to come back to this blog.

LINK

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Don't forget to pet a dog or a cat.  My cats, I think, have been good for my mental health.