Yesterday I was approached by someone whose wisdom and counsel that I have respected for many years. He asked me to consider volunteering for something specific that I will not pass along at this time. I will not identify this individual; I will confirm that he was a great member of my support network when I was struggling with those dark days earlier this year from February thru early April.
His approaching me reminded me of one of the early Bible stories that I learned when I was a child. That story concerns Moses, when he went to investigate a burning bush that would not burn up. It was a strange sight, and his going over to it set in course a chain of events that would affect the lives of the people from which he came. God told Moses to return to Egypt, and to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt.
Let's stop for a moment and consider a few things.
Moses was brought up in the court of Pharaoh, and had a position of power within Egypt. He was enjoying the good life, until one day he saw an Egyptian mistreating a Hebrew, and Moses killed the Egyptian and hid the body in the sand. Moses had committed an act of murder. He had killed someone.
Once Moses learned that his crime was known to others, he became a fugitive. I re-read the account in Exodus earlier this evening and what Moses did was not only known to two Hebrews who were arguing, Pharaoh knew about it too. Pharoah, or rather, the person was then Pharoah, wanted to kill Moses. We can infer from this that murder was a capital offense in Egypt at the time, and Moses knew what the punishment was. He didn't run at first, thinking that maybe he had gotten away with it. He fled once he became aware that he was a wanted man. The crime of murder angers a lot of people today, as it did back then. Moses went on the lam, and entered into fugitive flight. He found a new life in Midian, married, and started raising a family. We don't know if he struggled with guilt for all those years, but we do know that when God told Moses to return to Egypt, that God later assured Moses, after he agreed to go back, that those who wanted to kill him were dead.
Anyway, being approached yesterday, for some reason, reminded me of this story. To be quite honest, I feel that I am more qualified to be the recipient of the help that I'm being asked to give. No, I am not a fugitive in any criminal sense, but I am feeling the need of wanting the events from February/March/early April to be behind me once and for all. I have the sense that I am healing from this, and that it will be easier to recover from the adverse circumstances that preceded my arrival in Arizona.
Yes, I am reluctant to say yes to this. For one, I wasn't sure if I really had a future in Tucson. I even went so far as to approach hiring managers in Colorado, and the one position that I phone-interviewed for won't be offered to me until October, if at all, and as I write this I do have something lined up here in Tucson that begins in October. I guess I can infer that the Good Lord is going to keep me here in Tucson, even if the circumstances right now are not as good as they were two years ago.
Secondly, this isn't something I can say yes to right away. My present assignment has with it a need to put in some long hours at times. The effort that I am supporting is damned important to my employer and it's something that I'm actually enjoying being a part of. I plan to ride this train until its course is run, and my gut is telling me it's going to be a few more weeks. After that, I can return to a previous assignment as that last Friday my old supervisor told me he wanted me back and to give him a call once I'm done doing what I'm doing right now. I said that I would like to take a vacation between jobs and he has no problem with that.
Third, the individual who approached me is well familiar with my current situation, and he knows that I can't give an answer right away. I personally think that I'm going to need three weeks to mull this over, and to assess if I have the amount of time availalbe for this.
But it is funny in a way, of how this emerged yesterday.
One question that I have asked myself a lot lately is, have I made a difference? I mean, I came to Arizona in early 1999, knowing it was what I had to do at the time, but not sure if I understood in the 100% sense of why I was being brought to Arizona. Those close friends who I have shared this with, and this includes the person who approached me, have told me that I have indeed made a difference. I mean, I'm sure that I have in some ways, but did I make a difference as to where it really counted? Should I even know if I have?
A few other observations.
I have survived an armed robbery, an earthquake with fatalities, one traffic accident, and a front wheel coming off at 70 miles per hour.
By all rights I shouldn't even be here.
I have also had two biopsies for cancer, the most recent one being last month. Both came back negative. For some reason I am still here. I sometimes ask myself why.
I mean, what is there left for me to do?
I've gotten to meet the members of Bachman-Turner Overdrive and April Wine, who are among the people that I most wanted to meet. I've walked where Caesar once walked and I've had one night in a luxury suite at the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo.
And more importantly, I have been blessed with the greatest collection of family and friends that anyone could ever hope to have.
What is there left for me to do?
I was thinking about this as recently as a few days ago, and before that I was wondering if maybe I shouldn't be taking up some volunteer work of some kind. I went so far as to explore one local charity, only to discover that I could not make the type of time/talent commitment that they were looking for. I was giving some thought to something else, but then shelved that too as I returned to that one question about what's there that's left for me to do.
I'm sure that there are some things left to do while I'm still kicking. Even before yesterday, I was soul-searching about some other things on my mind, and trying to figure out what's ahead, as if I can really do that.
Now I've been approached, and that has now entered the mix of what's on my mind. And in the process, I am thinking about that strange sight that Moses once saw, and wondering........
......is that a burning bush that's in front of me?
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